The Fictional Ten

Virtual Powerhouses

Not all of Harvard's most influential alumni actually, well, exist. Here are 10 alums who are bound to live on in American Culture.

• 

  [1

  Jenny
  Cavilleri

  Teacher

  College A.B. 1970

  Home Base New York, NY

  Précis Worked as a private-school teacher to help put her husband through law school; launched a generation of girls named Jennifer.

  Work in Progress Although technically dead, Cavilleri continues to shape romantic notions of marriage in Cantabrigian society: Her motto that "Love means never having to say you're sorry" has sparked countless simmering resentments.

• 

  [2

  Thurston
  Howell III

  Survivor, Billionaire

  HBS MBA

  Home Base Gilligan's Island

  Précis The head of Howell Industries has amassed corporate assets ranging from concrete to chemicals. Forbes puts his fortune at $5.7 billion.

  Cash and Carry Howell mingles freely with the common people on the Pacific isle he calls home. He brings a suitcase full of money even when embarking on a three-hour boat ride.

• 

  [3

  Russ
  Cargill

  Head of the EPA

  HBS MBA

  Home Base Springfield

  Précis When Springfield’s pollution problem threatens to contaminate the entire nation, President Schwarzenegger turns to Cargill for solutions

  Plan of Attack Cargill's parting words: "There's a couple of things they don't teach you at Harvard Business School: One is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun."

• 

  [4

  Charles
  Foster Kane

  Former Publishing Magnate, Would-be Politician.

  CollegeExpelled

  Home Base "Xanadu," FL

  Précis Kane patterned his life after William Randolph Hearst and published the New York Inquirer.

  Work in Progress Married a U.S. president’s niece to get into politics, but was thwarted when an embarrassing affair was exposed.

  If at First Kane was expelled from Harvard, Princeton, Yale, and Cornell.

• 

  [5

  Dr. Frasier
  Crane

  Psychiatrist, Radio Host

  College A.B. 1976

  Home Base Seattle, WA

  Précis Beginning his career as a psychiatrist in Boston, Crane eventually landed in Seattle as a popular radio psychiatrist. While there, he treated many of the city’s neuroses, though never seeming to cure his own.

  Work in Progress Headed for Chicago to pursue a woman.

  Oh, Brother Crane's brother, Niles, who attended Yale and Cambridge, has a higher IQ.

 
• 

  [6

  Ron
  Hunter

  Lt. Commander, U.S. Navy

  College A.B.

  Home Base U.S.S. Alabama

  Précis During a standoff with the Russians after the Cold War, Hunter took control of his submarine and prevented worldwide nuclear annihilation.

  Work in Progress As commander of a nuclear sub, Hunter is on perpetual active duty.

  Guiding PrincipleThe real enemy is war itself.

• 

  [7

  Charles W.
  Kingsfield, Jr.

  Prof., Harvard Law School

  HLS J.D.

  Home Base 02138

  Précis Kingsfield has trained students to "think like a lawyer" since 1970.

  Work in Progress Not retiring.

  Father Knows Best Kingsfield once summoned a student to the front of the class, handed him a dime, and told him to call his mother to report that her son had little chance of becoming a lawyer.

• 

  [8

  Josh
  Lyman

  Deputy Chief of Staff

  College A.B. 1983

  Home Base D.C.

  Précis Lyman wielded clout in the White House.

  Work in Progress When Josiah Bartlet's term ended, Lyman signed on with Rep. Matt Santos, Bartlet's eventual replacement.

  Epithetic C.J. Cregg called Lyman an "elitist, Harvard, fascist, missed- the-dean's- list-two-semesters -in-a-row, Yankee jackass."

• 

  [9

  Lt. Jg. Daniel
  Kaffee

  Attorney

  HLS J.D.

  Home Base D.C.

  Précis Assigned to what originally seemed a no-win case, this JAG son of a former attorney general uncovered a military conspiracy.

  Work in Progress Considered a candidate to follow in his father's stead and become a reform-minded attorney general.

  Hobbies Softball, snappy dialogue with newspaper vendors.

• 

  [10

  Ari
  Gold

  Hollywood Agent

  College A.B. 1988

  Home Base L.A., baby

  Précis Gold gets what his clients want.

  Work in Progress Buzz over Medellin, along with sought-after client Vincent Chase, is resuscitating Gold's once almost terminal business

  Soft Sell When Gold brags, "Harvard College, Michigan Law, baby," he soft-sells; he earned a joint J.D./MBA from Michigan.